Oscaritis 2015 aka Nose-bleed!

By Nataranjan Bohidar

The Oscars are back in the reckoning in the Indian mind, i.e. If they have ever been out of reckoning ,particularly during a perceived need-period for the economic feel good, such as now. So, the honesty of a NEWTON and the integrity of our version of the march of democracy, that I call TRIRURBANITY - of that more later - is being thrust under the Oscarolfactory as evidence.

Now, all we need is an endorsement from the apex golden stamp authority of a global industry where we are volume leaders but that phrase ringing more and more like an abuse, we now wish to be acknowledged as value-oriented volume leaders. So, our submission appears to go something like this, " We make clean movies, your Dishonour, and so, please Oscar Sir, may we have some more?"

This is a seriously what-the-Dickensian problem and requires some even more serious circumlocution, circumambulation and circumnavigation to understand the true nature of our plight to escape the Bumble on our tail, which some bumbling asses call the law of lobbying!

NOSE BLEED : Powerful outpouring of magic realism, recollected in tranquility
Evidently a suicidal Oscariot jury would much rather shoot itself in the nose clutching a gun in one hand while reaching out for golden statuesque manhood with the other to an Antonio Sanchez drumroll and/or speculate about the universe out of a wheelchair rather than go out there, where no man nor woman neither has ever gone, to find another planet capable of sustaining human life. That 's survival instinct for you within ''the line of sight''!

Four Bullet Theory: Just in time to make a few more movies for the 2019 sesquicentennial
Long years ago the jury was criticized for making the mortal error of looking above its navel to award 'Gandhi'. It took some years to correct that mistake by eventually decorating an anal-ytical vision of Indian slummery. Now, with a four bullet theory doing the rounds in the media, Oscar night may be a good night to chastise late Sir Richard with a "we told you so", for not digging deep enough to uncover the pay dirt that, well, pays. Muck raking is so in ! Now, imagine the moolah hit the roof with a two-nation four bullet conspiracy forged in the unconscionable smithy of a third country...and we are not talking Bangladesh here...or there!

This is surely a matter of some gravity, which for the Oscar jury must be a dead weight around its loins rather than a gigantic heartfelt force of liberating attraction which Hollywood apparently sets out to annually celebrate  even though the jury it appoints continues to believe the eartheart anagram earth-heart-hearth-arth-art-artharth is merely special effects! Or side effects, if you prefer!' "What's love got to do with it'', yeah!

GRAVITY: She pulls it off, she pulls us down
And then there is the distinct possibility that seized with Noah-like trepidation of forthcoming floods due to global warming, Mexico may be emerging in jury-dick-tional mind as the preferred  haven for the Osc-Ark a la "The Day after Tomorrow". But I wouldn't credit the sag-acious old men & women of this jury such foresight given their penchant for being wiser by hind-ahem-sight preferably in white tights butting into theatre space & turning it into a retirement home for suicidal manic-depressive Oscarcastaways, while themselves setting sail in the Oscark with lusty lustrous garmented types, preferably more revealing than space suits & capable of more than one measly kiss per 180 minutes. (What? No bathtub, no naked Archimedes @ Eureka? Now, that's not traditional @ the Oscars).

Land ahoy, lower the anchor! In fact, the lower it is the beatter ...Drag everything down...did you not notice Warren Beatty doing just that as Kimmel kept up a lowly war with Matt? But that was 2016 and i must not get ahead of myself in this back to the future piece...after all, it has propelled ooh la la Gossling 32 years ahead to go back to 1984!

DEMOCRACY OR BUST : Inclusivity aka Plan A may yet save the Planet
{p.s. The alt title of this critique is: ''Oscar, if not Hollywood, waging fund war with NASA, if not NORAD?''}

P.P.S. Now don't get me wrong...my love for Sandra Bullock will never die even if a very talented    Mackenzie Foy grows up to be a diametrically opposed mind that is Jessica Chastain as foil to her weight driven fertility ridden body...watch her as she crawls out of the primordial soup ready to populate the earth, a clutch of which she clutches lovingly before she rises to steady her evolutionary self, naked feet firmly digging toes into the mud. As for Jessica, she can't even handle the dust that is cadaverizing the planet and must, therefore, like her father fly away to more congenial gravitational systems to procreate.

Tiangong & Endurance
It is an eternal debate between the grounded warm heavy humid regions of the earth closer to the equator versus the other worldly polar-close icy inhabitants easily misled by the obstinate the hard headed the groundless Manns! But, ofcourse, by ignoring INTERSTELLAR the jury simply proves its ignorance of the rings of Saturn as opposed to the ring in its nose that drags it to short term pleasure, sorry pasture. Cassini wasn't popular until two weeks ago, how was the jury to know. But now that Ridley Scott has taken them to Mars and back, Blade Runner may stand a better chance in 2049!

JAI HO: Non-negotiable integrity only among Replicants?
Also, do not get me wrong on the recent debate of only about a century and a half on which is more authentic and which superior between theatre and cinema. Shooting for the stars is all special effects...it is very unlikely that someone jumped into a black hole with a camera to shoot the 5-D  tesseract experientially. Shots on stage, on the other hand, have an ideating 3-D effect that fire the thinking imagination when simply narrated without gory display of blood splattered noses and bloody Jocasta brooches to ruin the illusion or complete the alienation. Christopher Nolan is a master of both - integrating stageffects and cineffects in ways that are beyond the ken of Oscar night effects. No wonder he did not get called best director, nor  INTERSTELLAR best film.

FUTURISTIC : Will Nude Goldenity kiss Black Beauty in 2018?

What chances then that NEWTON gravity will pull in a nude goldenity or two? Or three, did you say?

Nataranjan Bohidar
Citizen Positioner
Positioning India: Democracy within a Continuum
Substrate: Oscars in a Democracy within a Continuum

The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of A Potpourri of Vestiges. Any omissions or errors are the author's and A Potpourri of Vestiges does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.

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