Low life lust for deadh-lakh, baddy daddy, shadowery shaadi & imported haath-kadi

By Nataranjan Bohidar

The alternative title for this is: "How product placement is putrefying the pulp out of our movies". We don't mind pulp fiction. But this? 

The monk, sorry  yogi, who has no Ferrari to sell, not as yet that is... must watch this with intent... if for no other reason but that he might one day buy that very same Ferrari at Bansal Motors.... before he tyags it, of course... And wonder how this money making dealership that lords over the Jhansi-Kota region, if not all of U.P., employs the handsomest dudes in that blockbuster state of India, and lends money at a suicidal-premium & extorts with abandon, must become so impressed and obsessed with a monthly income of a lakh and a half, just because it is offered in another country, as to fleeance to far-East Singapore via far- West Mumbai, which is indeed the traditional silk-route to silky-aired freedom for all uppity UPites, the Shiva Sena notwithstanding nor withsitting, in every Bollyfillum, for that poor sum that looks even more helplessly small when connected with the current exchange rate. 

Quite easily cinema clutter, wedding loans bitter and greasy vehicle dealership butter  in the cow or bullock-cart belt of our country are together making no money at all in our patriarchy there that rules, despite some feminist monarchy of the Rani type of yore. 

So, Badrinath - all tonals and overtones implied - accompanied by Somnath - "soma" appropriately modernised and distributed in bottles and bars, away from highways, of course, and at seashores, terrace heights, road -sides Romeo-like Singapore - goes about fixing the system! Both here & there...

This takes him and us through some touristics in merlion land...before it yawns, sorry dawns on the cast and castaways that Jhansi could be such a wonderful destination called Jhansingapore, such as Mumshangbhai  once earlier promised....now with a school for airhostess training, no less and no more, for international airlines when the local one aka AI, incorporating IA, is simply running at chappal slapping and crew denigrating VIP culture, if not cult....with a curious economic ban than that might be imposed by the very watchful sons-of-soil watching alarming demographic change in the Western belt by the dabaangi pan-ban-a raas-vala and kajrarae types!

But that is simply vetting our appetite for more. Now Jhansi & Kota are no Frankfurt, but there is no harm in believing that post Vaidehi's Husbania and Trivedi's Bansal Mania - all in the name of older sister's weddingia in jmd-stylewa, we could simply get 100,000 flights to dock into JhanKoFurt efFORTlessly  daily/weekly/monthly/yearly (who can calculate these simply and/ compoundeadly numbers and nut-cracking F.D.figures?) - making it the new global flight connector, by 2020 you wish! And re-connecting Hindu-rashtra with London-wa -post-independence ya! by that verisame old Brit-route via that verisame older sister to boot...and youthful kajal-wa to root for rugby, rugged Punjab, yellow sarson  and train-platform runaway wah wah. Which will then give the monk , sorry yogi, the excuse to buy and sell, never mind the once-Italian Ferrari, but a few Lamborghinis, if not Leer Jets...very similar to an earlier crony-cap ridden-C.M. whose first instinct on coming to cycle- driven power was to buy top line cars for his beloved legislators of bhai-chara fame and family!

And should that not happen, U.P. could simply ship, sorry fly, some cheap labouring daddy-don't-preach singing girls straight out of domesticity to Singaporecity. And the Bansals and Band Baja Baratsals can come chasing after-filmy wrecks in their disco-colours  and hallucinogenic state fetishing over shoes and kaminos (Singapore Airlines sarongs, to note) and water-parking themselves until a newly launched Sing-Sena perhaps asks them to deport or extradite or return to become extras back again in Shiv-Sena west-land. And that is West and not to-do with a famous T.S.Eliot poem from Britexit badland badriband and stinker.

Hopefully trust in the new gour-mint - jo mint mint gaur karta hai - will refine the lust - perhaps, redefine it - and settle the dust in our gau-belt! Even as the nations love child, Alia, rapidly - in a matter of a few years - pidgin progresses through many states : MBA in South Indian family married to North Indian mother-loving dad slapper, winding up further North as drugged labour migrant, from the very State that houses IIT training town-centre, having given up on love and marriage flying out to the far East, bhut soon returning to watch Vidya Balan, Gauahar Khan, Pallavi Sharda, Ila Arun, Mishti, Flora Saini, Poonam Rajput, Rajit Kapoor, Chunky Pandey, Vivek Mushran, Rajesh Sharma, Ashish Vidyarthi, Sumeet Nijhawan, Naseeruddin Shah, Priyanka Setia, Ridheema Tiwari, Gracy Goswami, Raviza Chauhan, Pitobash Tripathy, Srijit Mukherjee bending their backs to establish whorehouse as unity metaphor at a special screening near her and soon at a movie hall bordering Bangladesh, perhaps, but missing from the star cast, unfathomably!

About Author - 

Nataranjan Bohidar has 40 years of teaching, training & transformational expertise. His interests are socio-cultural symbiogenesis & citizen positioning. His current initiative is to position India as a democracy within a continuum where cinema is a key subtext.

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